HELLO AGAIN, internet and farewell wedding pretties

Ohhh, pardon my lack of presence on the ole blog here, Internet, my darling.

On September 18th, David and I had our big wedding shindig (yes, two and a half months after getting hitched) and, guys? I honestly worked like a DOG getting it together LOL. It ended up coming together, and it was so so so kitschy/adorable (but maybe I’m biased) and it was a total blast so, in sum, very much worth it.

I will say though, the few weeks before, during, and after, I was consumed by my DIY backyard wedding reception.

But may I confess…

Something that seems entirely missing from the internet, blogs, websites, magazines are that weddings –lovely, yes, dreamy, yes–are just so damn stressful. Geez Louise. Like, is this some GRAND secret everyone shoves under the rug in fear of harming the lovey doves kissy face “best day of my life” messages. Granted–I’m sure if money isn’t an issue and you can pay someone else to bring your vision to life, then yes, it is probably a different story.

Internet, I must admit but I was struggling with my mental health during it all. Prior to the wedding, I moved to a new town; into a new place with all of the usual crazy moving expenses; lost my promised working-from-home-so-I-can-move-and-keep-job job (and learning my supervisors who had promised this to me knew ALLLLLL along I would lose it once I moved, and even signed off on my PTO to move without a peep, which honestly was personally devastating to me); applied for new jobs which I personally find utterly terrifying; getting and learning a new (stressful) job while taking a big cut in pay, all while still having to pay and plan for WEDDING!

Damn, boys and girls.

The thing is, I know that I personally don’t cope well with stress, it always triggers my mental health struggles. Which Is exactly why I thought I would break this big new change into stages. Move first, have small wedding (the thought of a big ole wedding ceremony and reception on the same day just overwhelmed me and gave me bouts of hot piss anxiety), and then two months later have our reception.

Now I kinda wonder if that was smart or if I just dragged it out way too loooooong.

I guess all of that to say, that I’m currently in a bout of depression. Which I understood would most likely happen, change, even good change, but especially major life changes, can or will most definitely trigger depression. I feel for the most part I have coped well, but at times I feel robbed of those sweeping euphoric bridal emotions because I was BURNT OUT.

Hence my sudden departure from my internet home/blog.

Oops.

But.

I did have my little moments, in fact I had two. The morning after our wedding day and the morning after our reception. Just my little sweet/poetic/newly married moments.

The morning after our wedding day in July, when walking from our vintage home Air BNB where we got married on the front porch and then after breakfast sitting on the front porch swing with some cherries and leftover Coca Cola.

And then the morning after our reception, while packing up all of the pretty wedding things–tablecloths, vintage wedding cake toppers, ribbons, and fresh flowers still in their vases–I suddenly had this sweet sentimental feeling saying goodbye to all things wedding, MY wedding.

I think in my early thirties I really began to feel that there was a chance I would probably never get married, have a wedding. But here it was, the aftermath of my wedding, my dream little wedding, in the quiet backyard of my parents house. The cake cutting was done, the bouquet was tossed–it was like this gentle and sweet transition from finally realizing I no longer was this bride, but now fully in the realm of WIFE.

It was just a beautiful little good-bye for me, and here are some of the farewell pics of my wedding pretties.